1) The Asshole Who Keeps Spamming My gmail!!!!!!!!
First of all I'd like to apologize to my five avid readers from across the U.S. and to James in India (P.S. - James, please don't get dysentery. I'd be heartbroken by your inability to eat in public places with me when you get home. But you could always buy those Cinco poopie pants pants!)
Okay, I have six avid readers if you include the 40 year old creepo loser from Chicago who keeps spamming my gmail after I commented on a blog he decided to write that senselessly crucified
'Dear Astronaut', an amazing local Milwaukee band who they, the '
Inter-Special Anal Dude Ranch ManBLA Revival Band'
(sic), had opened or headlined for that night. My response expressed
how let down I felt after seeing his 'electro-core / speed-core band' 'play' a 'show' in Milwaukee back in November. I HAVE SEEN YOUR BAND IN CITIES ACROSS THIS COUNTRY, AND USUALLY THESE BANDS ARE UNDERAGE DUO'S THAT USE THE SAME 'SPECIAL GUEST GUITARIST' HIGH SCHOOL FRIEND AT EVERY SHOW!
So,
I decided then that if I were to ever pay to see these FIBS play again live, they would first have to be covered in Pig's blood ( previously laced with PCP, Ketamine, and Meth) and Chimpanzee cum and pheromones, before engaging in a hand-to-hand battle to the death.
It would all take place in a Greek style theater, dug 15 - 25 feet into the ground, surrounded by a moderately sized arena with coliseum style seating. A vast dome of chain-link fence would cover this little arena, and just to keep it interesting, the pit will be filled with live Jaguar.With every passing minute, a Male Chimp would be introduced into the pit. After 6 minutes, logs would be thrown in and the pit would be flooded for the crocodiles released into the 'pool.' Fecal face-paint and the used thongs of VD riddled transvestite prostitutes would be their mandatory attire, and old Italian fascist (black-shirt) folk songs would play over loudspeakers with audio overdubs of the birth of a calf, a feverish evangelical sermon about how those who refuse to accept jesus will burn in hell, and the sound of a box full of 100 kittens meowing sweetly.
And after all is said and done, a pack of desert coyotes will be led in to finish the remains of everything left over
(sic)- I still cannot remember the name of this shit band for the life of me....
2)L.A. Confidential
By far my favorite smoke right now.
3)Vodka-Tonics (w/ a twist of lime)
These low cal, low sugar cocktails are great for getting wasted on a work night,
because they just cannot weigh you down and are so delicious, you'll feel ashamed
of not wearing a white linen suit and derby hat while you drink this highball on your front porch.
4)Girls - 'Album' (must be listened to on headphones at least once)
P O P - P E R F E C T I O N !
An album like this comes out every 10-15 years, and ends up defining a generation.
Well kiddies, this is it!
5) Antichrist
Willem Dafoe, from behind, in coitus with a lady/ladytree
6)Lady Gaga
Whether you love her or hate her is completely and utterly irrelevant because you either want to fuck her, or be her. So, 'Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?' Well, after growing up within generation cyborg, our Madonna has finally come - now streaming in fabulous 1030P HD directly to your iPhone, bouncing on and off of satellites 24/7 around the globe and Lady Gaga's
LIVE MOVING IMAGE is suddenly projected onto billions of billboards, high-rises, busses, homeless people, bootlegged (sorry, seems a little outdated) I meant to say,
pirated and sold on street corners from NY to Bangkok and from the favelas of Rio to the ships of Somalian pirates starving somewhere on the Indian Ocean; saturating radio waves to their melting point with strong beats, catchy hooks, and clever lyrics. Lady Gaga, you're my hero.
7)Now, even your grandmother is on facebook, and you relatives stalk you on here.
8)Learning that the reason Russ Meyer ever even thought of 'Faster Pussycat, Kill, Kill' was because, in his own words,
“I always had a tremendous interest in big tits.”
9)I FINALLY saw the Tour de Force that is
Pier Paolo Pasolini's final and most ambitious film, Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom. I would not recommend this film to the faint or weak of heart. In a nutshell,
Salò explores the cold, sadistic, nihilistic themes and imagery of the Marquis de Sade's novel
The 120 Days of Sodom, sets the story in the last crumbling days of Benito Mussolini's occupied Fascist Italy, known as the Republic of
Salò, and does this in four movements or as they are referred to, 'circles' based similarly on the rhythm of the
cantos in Dante's
Inferno. It is also based on some of the horros seen by young Passolini while growing up in the Republic of
Salò. Four Fascist Libertines decide "Hey, let's marry each-others daughters and then rape and torture a bunch of kids we kidnap because we can!" They then abduct a few boys to serve as soldiers to guard 18 abducted co-ed teens, so as to torture and abuse them as they see fit.
Kidnapping, torture, homosexual rape, the eating of shit, eye-gouging, scalping, old vulgar prostitutes, and much, much more, make this movie unwatchable for most, and others will refuse to even view it ever again. This film deals with the darkest issues found deep within man's heart and soul, one's not talked about, or shown graphically as a means of social commentary, and most people will NEVER be ready to see this film, despite how precise and personal it is pulled off. A true Masterpiece, perhaps explaining in part why Pasolini was repeatedly run over by a car and murdered by a 17 year old boy who years later claimed he was forced to do it by "southerners," probably men of criminal or political backgrounds who had threatened to murder his family if he did not cooperate.
10) .......and the winner is...
If you are reading this it means you did NOT die in 2009, so - congrats!
Later nerds.
